I was having a conversation with a friend of mine on Facebook, who said that the use of 'Muricah was making Thomas Jefferson roll over in his grave. I disagreed, I thought he probably had a bit of redneck in him, and I wondered what the Declaration of Independance if it were written in modern times by rednecks. If you're offended, please exercise your 1st Amendment right to tell me exactly how offended you are in the comments, and which manner of horrible deaths you wish upon me, but keep in mind; It's all in fun.
And please read the original. It's an important part of our history, and one we should never forget.
Oh and here's the original text:
So, y'all know sometimes shit jus' ain't work. You gotta get out on y'own. Be yer own man, take a stand, and here's why.
Welp, makes sense y'really think 'bout it. We all the same onna inside. Men, women, color'ds, e'n gays, s'long s'they don' shove it all up n'yer face n'whutnawt. E'rone just wan' live, do wut they want, be all happy'n shit. I mean f'y'think 'bout it that's wut Gub'ment's for. But look, f'they get to big f'they britches y'gotta r'min' 'em thay work fer us, n'we cn boot they asses out w'n'ere we feel like it, an' exchange 'em like a fish'n po' wut ain' caught no fish, 'm I right? Butcha cain't just go off onna tizzy, jus' start chuckin' folks like eggs th' day af'er Easter. Like shewt, I may not lik't when thay charge six bucks 'month t'haul th'garbage 'way but that ain't no reas'n t'give some counc'lm'n the ol' heave ho, y'knowhutamsayin? Thangs go'be awll like takin'way Nascar bad, n'that happ'n y'all gon' see sum Shee-it hit. The. Fan, no joke like we's goin' nuke yuh ler. THAT'S when y'gotta take up th'sward, n'th cross an' cast them dem'ns the fuhk out, jus' like Jesus lead'n th'charge 'ginst th'dinosaurs. 'n thas why:
Th' King'a Engin's goin' down. We gett'n that bitch the fuck outa Dodge bruther.
An' like, there's awl kin'a reas'ns, sr'sly we cud be here awl day, no joke but ah'll jus gi'y'd cliffs-notes-vers'n aight?
Basic'ly: He's a dick. A great big huge dingleberry on th' oth'rwise flawless shapely ass o'that gorgeous lady - 'Muricah. I mean look, he wants t'make all th'laws from 'bout million miles 'way, won' let nobahdy tell'im he's wrong thinks the sun just shines out his ass. Then he goes'n send his people o'er here sayin' hows we break'n HIS laws when we ain't e'en know wut them laws is. An'lemme tell ya he pays them like they's dig'n gold out our buttcracks, which they kinda is, cuz he won' let us sell our stuff t'nobody but who he wants, an he got troops in t'make sure, an'e don't hardly pay us nothin, then he charges US tax so's we can do it? Shoot, he get us comin' AN' goin' ain'no two ways 'bout it.
An'tain like we ain' tried t'talk some sense in'o 'im, hell my cousin went'n tol' one'a his buddies he's like "Dude. You bes' tell your boy we's gon' lay down a whuppin' like you ain't seen since Moses kick'd the CRAP outa all them there 'Gypsies 'for he dump'd the Red Sea on all them Pyrmids, man we's get'n Pocca'lyp'cal up'n here." You know he e'en tried t'git th' Indian's 'gainst us? Oh, oh I'm sorry I meant the Na'v 'Mercans, I wern't bein' to PC, and I should know be'er I got me a cousin who's one eighth Cher'kee on his mother's side, hell i's like I'm prac'ly liv'n in a Tee Pee ain' I? Uh... Whus I sayin'? Oh right the In'ians. And mos' them don' lik'im either jus' think'es fulla crap, but t'be fair they think we are too, which' y'know I can't blame 'em, but th'same time I ain't movin' neither, but I woutn' mind 'f they wan'ed move in th' neighb'hood, they's pre'y decn't folk once y'get past the scalpin' an that ain' happ'n for a while now, uh...
Uh, but, uh...
Oh, King'a Engl'n. Look we's all just folk here, but we are speakin' for th' People of 'Murica. The U S of Are you freakin' hear'n this? Do - I - need - to - turn - it - up? You's best be gett'n yer li'l ass kissers an' the horse they rode in on out our face, or we's gon' throw down. Aw hell we might jus' do that anyway. Why? 'Cause Freed'm bitches. Tha's why. Whut Whuuuuut?